I'm NOT angry. I'm not. I cannot in my mind think of one single time my Daddy and I had an argument. Or a time that I remember being super mad at him...or anything of the sort. I can honestly say that my Daddy and I had the BEST relationship a Father and Daughter could ever have.
From as early as I can remember, he always went out of his way to spend special time with me. We went for walks around our neighborhood, went to breakfast, looked at cars, made frequent trips to electronics stores just wandering down the isles looking at everything. We shared a bond that even through this tragedy is as strong as ever.
Today has by far been the worst yet. After being up all night with extreme tremors, hot flashes, shortness of breath and spending most of the night in the bathroom...my body went into shock. My hands started going numb, I started getting overwhelmingly dizzy and then to the point I felt I was going to black out. So at about 4am when my Mom woke to the sounds of me violently vomiting, and seeing my shake uncontrollably, we decided to go to the ER.
I've heard of PTSD, and really only ever grouped it with Soldiers returning from war. But apparently I am exhibiting the same symptoms. So the overwhelming stress is flaring my Crohn's Disease and making all of this twice as hard. But you know what....tomorrow is yet again another day. One more day I WILL wake up, one more day I WILL be thankful for being alive and one more day that I WILL cry and grief. But now more than ever, I KNOW without any doubt that there is NOTHING I cannot make it through.
I got fluids, some meds to help my anxiety and hopefully helping me sleep. So I'm better off than I was early this morning, and hopeful that I will be able to eat soon.
I love you Daddy, I always have and ALWAYS will.
Your Little Grill
(I will eventually explain my blog title, as it was an inside joke with my Daddy and I)