Tuesday, February 15, 2011


I think that is a common question when a suicide happens. Not that I wrote the book, cause if I did, I wouldn't buy it. I'm barely hanging on here. How? I have no friggen clue!! Well that's not entirely true...I like to think that hope is getting me through. Hope that I can make a positive out of this negative. Hope that I can make every day that goes by a day to make him proud. Even in my darkest days, I am still an optimist! THE GLASS IS ALWAYS HALF FULL!

I struggle with knowing exactly why my Daddy did this. No note was needed (although the one he left for me was my last little random "i love you" note from my Daddy")

Earlier last year my Daddy was hit while riding his bike by an uninsured driver. So guess who was asked to pay for his treatment...FARMERS. They paid for a few weeks of physical therapy and sent him on his way. Slowly becoming less and less mobile. He went from riding his bike EVERYDAY (even in 115 degree weather) for miles and miles...to barely walking with a cane. His right knee was the problem. When he would stand up, you could hear bones crunch. It was horrific. Living with him this past year watching him suffer, I have NO DOUBT as to why he did this.

He contacted his lawyer who helped him get the little medical care that he did get, and told him that his knee was getting worse and worse. They told him he'd have to pay out of pocket to see a doctor, and then pay out of pocket to have an MRI done of his knee. Maybe a $100 doctors visit $2000 scan is doable for some people...but not my Daddy. He knew that Farmers wasn't going to pay for the knee replacement that he needed from being hit by that car. So he gave up. After almost a year of unbearable pain, and slowly losing his ability to walk, he couldn't bare to go on any longer.

My Dad was a VERY proud man. Too proud to ask for help, too proud to even complain. So not even his best friends knew how bad things were. Granted even living with him, I never fathomed he'd do something like this. Especially knowing he wouldn't want us to be going through all of this aftermath. I need no reminder of how much my Daddy loved me. He told me every second of every day. Always leaving random notes, giving me sneek attack hugs, or looking me in the eyes and reminding me what an amazing person and Mother I am, and how proud of me he was. He was my ROCK. At 5 foot 7 he was a 10 foot tall man of steel. Always knew just what to say, always respectful, always HILARIOUS, always kind, always Dougie. As most who were close to him called him. I've called him Daddy since I was 9 months old. Never referring to him as anything else. He was the BEST Daddy I could ever hope for. I have ZERO regrets in our relationship. He was always AMAZING and I did everything I could to return that.

So I can say with 100% certainty that the reason my Daddy spent 5 days planning his demise was because he couldn't bare to live in pain and losing his ability to walk. Thanks again Farmers. I don't mean to point blame, but if this company would have paid the claim to get my Daddy the medical attention he needed and DESERVED as a 45+ year customer of theirs....

He had his Renters, Business and Auto Insurance with Farmers for decades. I'm not good with math...but somehow I think he's more than paid for the knee replacement on monthly premiums alone. AND THEN SOME!!! His Father always had Farmers, my Mother, myself...my whole family!! Decades of loyalty....just to deny a claim to save them some money.

Then to find out that they won't cover the clean up costs because "there wasn't damage to personal property" and "because it was an intentional act". That's such...excuse my french...BULLSHIT.

Shame on you Farmers. I cannot say it enough.

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