It’s been 10 years since I graduated from High School. The graduating class of 2001 celebrated 10 years this past weekend and I didn’t attend. Why? I wish I had a 1 line answer, but sadly I do not. Since the day I found my Father after he commit suicide, I have not been the same happy go lucky girl I’d like my graduating class to remember. I pride myself on being friends with anyone and everyone. In High School I was not stuck in one “group” I just loved people, and performing. It was what consumed my entire high school career. Drama, Dance, Choir, Marching Band, Speech & Debate, Student Council, SPURS Club, whatever I could fit into the 5:30am-6pm schedule I held while attending high school. I loved going every single day, but remember I was more than ready to leave when Graduation Day came.
I had always planned on going to the Reunion, I looked forward to seeing my past classmates. But after thinking about it I found myself anxious, almost panicking at the thought of going. Which startled me. I am anything but shy or afraid to see or interact with people, I love performing, how could I be so anxious…
After talking to a few people about how I was feeling I realized that it wasn’t worth pushing it. I was scared to talk about what happened with my Father’s suicide, what I saw, what I’ve been through…On the other hand, I didn’t want it to be a White Elephant in the room either. I just didn’t want to pay money to go see a lot of people I have had the pleasure of keeping in touch with thru Myspace or Facebook. The internet kind of took the real fun out of Reunions…
You already know what most people have been up to. Seen photos, status updates, blogs etc. Not that I wouldn’t want to actually see them, but I don’t know that I would want anyone to see me. That’s sad, but it’s the brutal truth. I was always skinny in high school, I’ve been skinny my whole life. But being skinny and being sick with an incurable disease are two different things. I hope each time I get on a scale that the number will jump up. I don’t have curves, I feel frail, I hate it. I don’t feel like a 28 year old woman that’s for damn sure!
I hope that by the time the 20 year reunion comes I will be healthy, happy and able to speak about all the great things that have happened since January 19, 2011.
I am happy to say that Todd and I are still going strong. He has been there for me every single day since January 19th, and has without a doubt, had the worst of the backlash that has come along with my struggle. We are soul mates and I couldn’t be more sure of that than I am today. I am still loving our home and what it means to all be together again under one roof. The kids are so beyond blissful. It makes all the struggle worth it. Everything I do is for them. We are loving having my Mom (“Gramma” as the kids call her) close by. She is another reason I am able to keep strong. She is always there for me, just to listen, or help anyway she can. I have a few great friends who have been AHMAZING. I feel very blessed.
I am continuing on my Photography journey. It makes me happy, it makes others happy…it’s a win-win. I had the pleasure of shooting my first Wedding. It was at a super cute little Chapel in Gilbert. An old farmhouse with real wood floors, real wood siding, and cute little pops of decorating. The bride was STUNNING, the groom looked very much like Bradley Cooper, they were both very photogenic making my job VERY easy. I was very pleased with the outcome, but sad that I couldn’t share that milestone with my Daddy.
Father’s Day is coming this Sunday and I am trying to prepare for a difficult day. Sadly the 19th is not only Father’s Day but the 5 month Anniversary of his death. This has always seemed to be a hard day each month. Shocking me each time by how much time has gone by, when I can remember it all so clearly like it was just yesterday.
I continue to push forward, focusing on the positive, having hope, and loving life in Maricopa.
I hope those that did attend the 10-year reunion will come again to the 20 year so we chat about what’s happened these next 10 years. I plan to have a happy story to tell.