Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Family Optional??

A friend posted a picture today of this saying. How true it is!:

As we grow up, we learn that the people that weren't supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others hearts. You'll blame a new love for things an old love did. You'll fight with your best friend, you'll cry because time is flying by, and eventually you'll lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you've never been hurt, because every second you spend angry or upset, is a second of happiness you can never get back!

As I've grown up, I've learned that the people that weren't supposed to ever let me down, did. I've had my heart broken, I've broken others hearts. I've blamed a new love for things an old love did. I've fought with my best friend, I've cried because time is flying by, and I lost my Daddy this year. Sooooo, I'm taking too many pictures (though I don't see how anyone could possibly take TOO many??) I've laughed too much (anyone that knows me well knows this ends with tears), I've forgiven freely, and I am finally loving like I've never been hurt, because every second I've spent angry or upset, is a second of happiness that I can never get back! 

Last week was really tough for me. I was an absolute wreck to be honest. I cried till my head hurt, I laid awake at night unable to sleep, It was just such an off week for me. I miss him so much it literally hurts. But the thing I am struggling the most with is the loss of all of the "family" members that have decided to either hurt or ignore me. My entire childhood, and most of my teenage years were spend surround by these people. We had a VERY close  family. We all got together for each holiday, went over to my Grandma's every chance we could. It was so wonderful! I have so many amazing memories with my family. Now? It's become more about lies, money, greed, deception, etc etc etc. 

I think I finally just reached my breaking point. I am beyond hurt by the lack of support from these "family" members. I don't understand, and I never will. I miss each and everyone of them, and always will. But I can't keep waiting for someone to fill me in, or reach out. I am just done with hurting. I'm done shedding tears DAILY over it. I'M JUST DONE!

Instead I will go on loving those who have chose to be in my life, and to be there for me when I've needed them most. To my Mother who is always there ready to listen. To Todd, my soul mate, who has been by my side through all the madness of this year. To my Auntie Jan, who has texted/called almost daily since Jan. 11th, To my Cousin Tim who has been a better Brother than my 2 "brothers" combined. To the amazing friends I have in my life, and to my children, who are my EVERYTHING. THANK YOU!! You are all so so very important to me, and I am so so very glad I have each and everyone of you. 

I'm still hoping for the day when I can make it through an entire 24hrs without breaking down into tears! One day right?? :-P

1 comment:

  1. HUGS to you!! One day at a time & it's OK to cry!! A wise friend once told me you will NEVER get over loosing your dad but the pain isn't as bad!! You have to take it one day at a time!! She also lost her Dad at a very young age!!
    I truly think your Dad is the special angel that brought you into MY life!! You are a wonderful person & friend and I feel VERY blessed to have gotten to know you!! <3