Tuesday, November 8, 2011

More firsts

With the Holidays approaching quickly, I am preparing myself for an absence this year. This will mark the first Thanksgiving and Christmas without my Daddy. Harder, is thinking about him not being around for the kids. Their "Papa" meant the world to them! While we lived with him, he made every second he was at home all about the kids. We all played out back, went to the pool, went to the park, on walks, out on "adventures" as we called them. He was always bursting with pride when it came to them. He changed diapers, bathed them, fed them, stepped up in anyway he could while I was so ill. I am so very thankful for the 3 years we all spent together. Memories I will cherish for a lifetime!

Last Christmas is the last really great memory I have of my Daddy. But soon after came the little hints of his depression. Hints I didn't see until it was too late. Him forgetting my Birthday, 14 days prior to him taking his life. That week haunts me. Seeing him so down, so disengaged, I just had no clue how bad it was.

I know I can't turn back time, but I still go over and over what would have, or could have happened differently. It is what it is, and life goes on...if only if were that easy!

There are a lot of things that I could let get me down, but I've been down, and down sucks...so I will keep pushing on and hoping for the best!

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