After finally reaching my breaking point, both physically and emotionally, I came to the realization that I needed to take charge of my life and make some changes. I prayed, I spoke with my Bereavement Counselor, talked to Todd, and then prayed some more. Keep in mind, I am not a religious person AT ALL. I have my own beliefs, and I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. Anyway...I was finally visited in my dreams by my Daddy. Not a nightmare, not him after he shot himself, just HIM. Sitting next to me having a conversation like we always used to. It was so vivid and, well amazing.
The next morning I knew what I needed to do. I decided to step away from Forever Photography. Not because I don't love doing it, but because I need a way to simplify. To lessen my stress levels. My health has to be a bigger priority. So I had to sadly cancel all the appointments I had schedule in the next 2 months. It was not easy! But I truly believe that if I am meant to be a Photographer, then I WILL be. Just not right now. I don't have the heart for it.
This weekend was AMAZZING. My step-son Fyodor was with us and he just adds to the joy in our house. He is such a great little man! The kids really really really love having him around too! So that in itself is awesome. I planted flowers, we sat in the driveway and let the kids ride their bikes with the neighbors kids, it was just one of those days where I knew I was exactly where I am supposed to be. More importantly, I am PROUD of where I am.
After a lot of hard work, Todd and I are stronger than ever. The kids are thriving, and HAPPY. Our home is still a fairy tale/wish-come-true. Most of all, I am proud of myself. For overcoming what I have, for growing as a person, and for doing all I can to better myself as a person. Everything else at this point, is just a bonus.