Thursday, January 5, 2012

Birthday. Happy Optional.

Today is my 29th Birthday. A day I should be celebrating another year, happy to be alive and excited to have a special day to myself. If only...

Today I have spent far more time crying and being upset than being "happy". It's really annoying, and getting in the way of my Happy Birthday

No it's not because of the impending 30 year mark that I will have to own up to next year. Although it does put a "dun dun dun" sound in my head.

Last year on my 28th Birthday, my Daddy (whom I was living with at the time) forgot my Birthday completely. I answered phone calls from people wishing me a Happy Birthday, I got all dressed up to go out to dinner (as was a yearly tradition on our Birthdays) with my family, and he just laid on the couch watching TV. My Mom even asked him if he was coming, to which he replied "no thank you". I thought it was odd that he didn't remember, considering he always made a big deal out of it. I didn't realize then why he wasn't present that day.

He had already started planning his demise.

The blank look on his face that day, it is haunting me today. I can literally see his face in my head. It's an image that is leaving me an emotional wreck today. He knew then that he was going to soon take his own life.

Thankfully my Mom and friend Stephanie are taking me out to lunch today. If it weren't for them, I'd be spending the entire day crying alone.

It's my Birthday, and I'll cry if I want to!!

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