Friday, February 17, 2012


I get asked often how I deal with losing my Dad to suicide, how I deal with what I saw when I found him after he shot himself. My own Mother has told me several times "I'd be locked up, in a mental institution, I just don't know how you do it"

This is a question that  I just haven't had an answer to. That is until yesterday, while laying sick on the couch, it came to me! Miraculous? Maybe.... Anyway, I was upset at my state of health and was feeling very inadequate because I simply cannot do much. I started telling myself (silently of course!) that maybe I am not healthy, but I am alive, maybe I cannot do much today, but looking around I can see all that I have done to create a beautiful home for my family. It just went on from there. Before I knew it, I felt better, knowing that my health is  something I cannot change, but I can overcome it. It's all about perspective! Putting your mind in the right place. Reminding yourself that though things are tough, there is always something to be thankful for.

I have spent enough countless hours crying over people or situations in my life that I merely cannot control. This applies to all relationships in my life. Family and friends. I cannot force someone to want to be a part of my life, and I cannot force myself to trust those who have broken my trust. So I have chosen instead to just move on, to embrace those around me that I can trust and that choose to be a part of our lives. Although I have grieved the loss of these people, I will continue to wish good things for them. That is all I can do.

So here I sit, sick and unable to do much. But I can look over to the right and see my beautiful little girl who lights up as I glance over at her. I can then look up and see photos of my gorgeous son, cards from my step-son and Mom, love notes from Todd and a picture of my Daddy. All tokens of the loved shared between all the people in my life that lift me up, and keep me going.

So I challenge all of you. The next time you find yourself stressed, upset, depressed, etc, try to change your perspective. Try to focus on the good things in your life, look around and find those things that make you thankful.

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