Thursday, April 5, 2012


I will be the first to admit that prior to my own experiences with PTSD, I was unaware and totally uneducated on what it really was. Like most, I thought it was only something that War Veterans experienced from the trauma of seeing people killed. So when I was diagnosed with severe PTSD after my Father's suicide, I didn't take it seriously. How could I possibly put myself in the same arena as the Veterans? I ignored it completely.

Soon, after landing in the Emergency Room several times due to panic attacks, I started looking deeper into PTSD. When I finally brought it up to my Therapist, she shined a bright light on the whole issue.

She asked me how I thought that seeing my Father after he shot himself in the head with a shotgun was any less traumatic. She explained that my constant night terrors and uncontrollable anxiety was all because of the trauma I experienced that day.

I still didn't take it serious, especially when anyone I brought it up to that wasn't a Mental Health Professional, seemed to not take it seriously.

After finding my Daddy, I was suffering greatly with the after effects of PTSD. I was in constant fear. Fear of someone breaking in my house or causing me harm, I was in constant fear of finding another piece of my Father's skull, constant fear of finding more blood splatters on the walls outside. I woke up every single night soaked in sweat, reliving what I found in graphic detail. No matter what I did, it consumed me.

I still suffer, I still feel unsafe when Todd isn't here. If the doorbell rings and I am not expecting someone, or my dogs start barking, I go into a state of panic. Logically, I know I am safe, but I still fight with these anxieties. Thankfully the night terrors aren't daily anymore, but the ability to flashback to the moment I found him is still so apparent.

There is such a stigma around Mental Health issues, and it saddens me. So many people are suffering, and aren't getting help because they do not want to be considered "crazy" or "unstable". These people then go untreated and are at a much higher risk of suicide.

PTSD, saying goodbye to people you used to count on, night terrors, uncontrollable anxiety....just a few of the side effects of the aftermath of suicide.

Save your loved ones from the constant heartache, take a deep breath, and talk to someone! Your life is so precious, and there is SOMEONE who still wants you here!! Ignore the stigma, make an appointment and TALK to ANYONE who will listen. It really does get better!!!

1 comment:

  1. You are doing such a wonderful, amazing job & PTSD isn't something to be be taken lightly. I'm sooo glad you are getting the help you need & the (as my son calls them) poopy people out of your life! The only time "crazy" should be used around you is when you are saying how "crazy awesome" you are!! Thanks for sharing your awesome~ness!! <3