Monday, May 7, 2012

Then and Now

Looking back at the past 16 Months, my mind becomes flooded with some of the worst memories I carry to date. But at the same time, it brings forth such a sense of accomplishment. Knowing I have made it past these horrible moments gives me strength. A strength that has come with some negative and unwanted aftermath, but a undying strength it is non-the-less.

16 months ago I was broken, depressed, and in total shock. The days, weeks, and months flew by as I stood still. Frozen in the moment I found him. That image was all that I could see. I was living in a nightmare and had no idea how to wake myself up. I went through the motions, I stayed present for my children, but I was stuck in a dark place feeling like I would never see light again. As the months continued to go by, I painted, I decorated, I cooked, I cleaned, I tried to regain some of my old life back. No matter what I did, I was still stuck in that day, that moment when my whole life stopped.

That was then.

Now? Now, I am moving, I am laughing, I am LOVING, and most importantly, I am HAPPY. I can see all the blessings I have, I can enjoy life, I feel more like ME.

If I went back and tried to convince myself that I'd be where I am now just 16 months after that horrible day. There is no way I could.

Yet here I am. Happy. Who of thunk it! :)

My children are blissfully happy. They are thriving, and as a parent, that is all I could ever hope for. Landen continues to excel at school, Nora is getting brighter and brighter as the days pass. They are both polite, and kind and giving and extend that to anyone they come in contact with. I couldn't be prouder of both of them.

Todd and I are also blissfully happy. We have been through so much together, and have some how made it out on top. The love I hold for him is so unbelievably deep. He really does complete my fairy-tale.

I have made strides in getting out and doing more outside of the house as well. I have met some of the most fantastic women out here in Maricopa. Women that push me to be better, and make me proud to be considered their friend. I value these friendships greatly, and am thankful for having people I know I can always count on to lift me up.

I look back at then, and then realize where I am NOW.

Now, I am happy. Happier than I thought I could ever be!

If you are stuck in THEN, feeling like a NOW is never possible. It is! Be kind to yourself, give yourself all of the time you need to get to now. There is no timeline, no need to feel like you should be somewhere you aren't. Allow yourself time to grieve, time to cry, time to heal. You will get to now, that I promise you.

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