Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Don't Go

In 19 days both of my children will be full-time students. I'm freaking out!! I was so very blessed to be home with Landen until he came with me to work at 15 months. I only had 4 weeks home with Nora, which was not enough time. Though bringing her to work, I saw her every chance I got. So I feel blessed to have never been without contact. So what do I do now that I know they are going to be gone? Sign up for the PTO, and will be helping both of their teachers in the classroom, and will take any chance I can to see them. Last year, I was in no shape mentally or physically to handle much, and his teacher feared if I was present in the classroom that he might use it as a crutch. She was spot on, as he became one of her best students. So, it helps ease my anxiety knowing that Nora will have the same teacher.

I keep thinking about how adorable it will be to have Landen just one grade above her. He will walk her to the playground each morning, and then to the parent pick up area each afternoon. He is very protective of her, and I have no doubts about him being the best big brother ever.

I get sad when I think about another milestone that my Daddy won't be around to see. He lived and breathed  for them. The second he got home to the second he went to bed was all about them. So I know that he would be so proud. Correction. HE IS PROUD!

Tomorrow marks 18 months to the day that he took his life.

18 months that have been the hardest of my life, but they have brought about the most positive changes in my life.

Our family is back together and thriving. My love for my children has grown stronger than I ever thought possible. We have an incredible home that is bursting from the seems with love and happiness. I have said goodbye to people that I used to love dearly, knowing that I deserve better. I have loved, and lost, and learned how to LIVE again. It's refreshing and I now look forward to each and every moment I have to LIVE.

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