Tuesday, July 16, 2013

My list

I posted the following status on my Facebook today:

While there are people suffering the loss of a loved one, while there are starving children, while there are parents with children suffering from terminal illnesses, while wars rage on...I remain thankful for each and every second. Life is a blessing, don't take it for granted.


There are so many things to be thankful for. I dare you to sit down and make a list. 

Mine:
My Mother
My Husband
My Children
Our beautiful house
My family
My incredible friends
My Husband's job (that he LOVES!)
My up and coming business venture
The love and happiness that flow through our house
Yoga!
Meditation
My blog and the healing it has given me
Making it past 2 years 5 months and 28 days 

You get the idea...

I could go on and on.

The most important,  and equally challenging lesson that I have learned is that you have to find happiness within yourself.  You have to remove negative energy/people to help assist you on your path of positivity.  You have to deal with any issues you have (for me it's been my depression,  anxiety, sensitivity and skin picking) all of which get better daily. 

When your inside is clear of negativity, when you are able to give without expectations, amazing things happen. 

You're happier and more motivated! It's a beautiful thing to experience. 

The reality of my life, no B.S: 
I am happier today, right now, than I have been in over a decade. I have dealt with my issues through treatment (by the best Psychiatrist ever!) Through yoga and meditation.  Through volunteering, through random acts of kindness. Anything I can to try to make someones day. 

Give this inner journey a try. It's so worth it!!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

That Day

January 19, 2011. The day. The day that will forever be remembered.  Every second of that day plays back daily. Little flashbacks. "DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!  Call the Police. I'M SORRY!" A small handwritten warning of things to come. A warning I immediately ignored. I knew. I knew it meant he was dead. 

If only I had heeded his warning. I wouldn't have seen him. Splattered across our backyard. No head, just a body rested in the kiddie pool we spent so many wonderful evening around. His dead body was covered in blood and brain matter. A very large portion of his brain and skull laid next to the kiddie pool, an image I can seen in high definition. It's the hardest one to forget.

I stood over the chaos for what seemed like an hour. Waiting to wake up,waiting to blink, to breathe...but it was all real. It is all real. 

I called 911 as I dropped to my knees next to the left overs of the greatest man I had ever known. For four hours I answered questions, I drew pictures of what I saw, I sat at the dinner table where I sat with him each night, and talked to Homicide Detectives, Crime Scene Photographers, and the last and final step was when they wheeled him out. Zipped up in a black bag, my Daddy was gone.

He made the choice to take his life. A choice that has forever changed my life. A choice that to this day I wish he wouldn't of made. 

I miss him still so much it literally pains me to think that I cannot just walk down the hallway and see his always smiling face. He is gone. Really gone. 

That day is something I battle against daily. The images of what I saw, the memories of that day, will be with me forever. 

I URGE YOU TO THINK ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES BEFORE YOU MAKE THE CHOICE TO END YOUR LIFE. THE AFTERMATH IS HORRIFYING, AND LASTS A LIFETIME. YOU'RE IMPORTANT,  LOVED AND MEAN SOMETHING. PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE! SPARE SOMEONE FROM MY EXPERIENCE.