Tuesday, July 2, 2013

That Day

January 19, 2011. The day. The day that will forever be remembered.  Every second of that day plays back daily. Little flashbacks. "DO NOT GO OUTSIDE!  Call the Police. I'M SORRY!" A small handwritten warning of things to come. A warning I immediately ignored. I knew. I knew it meant he was dead. 

If only I had heeded his warning. I wouldn't have seen him. Splattered across our backyard. No head, just a body rested in the kiddie pool we spent so many wonderful evening around. His dead body was covered in blood and brain matter. A very large portion of his brain and skull laid next to the kiddie pool, an image I can seen in high definition. It's the hardest one to forget.

I stood over the chaos for what seemed like an hour. Waiting to wake up,waiting to blink, to breathe...but it was all real. It is all real. 

I called 911 as I dropped to my knees next to the left overs of the greatest man I had ever known. For four hours I answered questions, I drew pictures of what I saw, I sat at the dinner table where I sat with him each night, and talked to Homicide Detectives, Crime Scene Photographers, and the last and final step was when they wheeled him out. Zipped up in a black bag, my Daddy was gone.

He made the choice to take his life. A choice that has forever changed my life. A choice that to this day I wish he wouldn't of made. 

I miss him still so much it literally pains me to think that I cannot just walk down the hallway and see his always smiling face. He is gone. Really gone. 

That day is something I battle against daily. The images of what I saw, the memories of that day, will be with me forever. 

I URGE YOU TO THINK ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES BEFORE YOU MAKE THE CHOICE TO END YOUR LIFE. THE AFTERMATH IS HORRIFYING, AND LASTS A LIFETIME. YOU'RE IMPORTANT,  LOVED AND MEAN SOMETHING. PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE! SPARE SOMEONE FROM MY EXPERIENCE. 

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