If only I had heeded his warning. I wouldn't have seen him. Splattered across our backyard. No head, just a body rested in the kiddie pool we spent so many wonderful evening around. His dead body was covered in blood and brain matter. A very large portion of his brain and skull laid next to the kiddie pool, an image I can seen in high definition. It's the hardest one to forget.
I stood over the chaos for what seemed like an hour. Waiting to wake up,waiting to blink, to breathe...but it was all real. It is all real.
I called 911 as I dropped to my knees next to the left overs of the greatest man I had ever known. For four hours I answered questions, I drew pictures of what I saw, I sat at the dinner table where I sat with him each night, and talked to Homicide Detectives, Crime Scene Photographers, and the last and final step was when they wheeled him out. Zipped up in a black bag, my Daddy was gone.
He made the choice to take his life. A choice that has forever changed my life. A choice that to this day I wish he wouldn't of made.
I miss him still so much it literally pains me to think that I cannot just walk down the hallway and see his always smiling face. He is gone. Really gone.
That day is something I battle against daily. The images of what I saw, the memories of that day, will be with me forever.
I URGE YOU TO THINK ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONES BEFORE YOU MAKE THE CHOICE TO END YOUR LIFE. THE AFTERMATH IS HORRIFYING, AND LASTS A LIFETIME. YOU'RE IMPORTANT, LOVED AND MEAN SOMETHING. PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE! SPARE SOMEONE FROM MY EXPERIENCE.